Loneliness

She sits besides me

Empowers me when I have to make it

Brings me down when it has to break it

Tells me no one likes me

Tells me I should be on my own

That I’m dumb

That I’m ugly

That I’m weird

That I’m a nobody

That I’ll always be the last option

That I’ll always be the one no one chooses

It makes me be ahead of my times

While subduing the woman of her time inside me

Makes me independent and an achiever

While brutally killing the mere thought of dependency

She makes me pretend I’m an extrovert

While cursing and abusing the introvert in me

Let’s me be vulnerable first

Then reminds me that I embarrass myself opening up to someone

Tells me they were all right to reject me

Says it was because of my baggage, that she had given me

Brings out the attention seeker in me

While consistently nudging me to cut off every time

Wants me to seek someone so badly

Yet pushes me to push away any resemblance of companionship

Makes me enjoy the little and the big things wildly

Then reminds me it’s all temporary, it will all go away

Makes me act like a cool girl

As it suppresses the confident and fearless one within me

The bitch has kept me conflicted for ages

Still her presence has made me survive and thrive for so long

How do I let her go after all this time?

When she embraces me at the end of it all…